i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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