Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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