I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
