Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yo dont text me then not text me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
false alarm. still invincible.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
