Can i not drive my cunt home
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
