what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
