I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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