I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
