i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
