Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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