VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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