.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
