you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
