I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
