Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
