So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
