You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My vagina is officially offended.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
