i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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