i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
