I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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