i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
