your room smells of hookers.
And success
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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