Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
