Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
