I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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