Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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