I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
