you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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