My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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