My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
