they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
