You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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