Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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