Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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