Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
