Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
