It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
