Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Watching her eat just hurts me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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