weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
