You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
