You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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