Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
