quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
