i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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