she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
