I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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