i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
