Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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