i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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