i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
