just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
