He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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