I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
